Life Starts Now
by ZephyrWriter
Summary: Oneshot. A study of Steele's thoughts after the door closes on him, both literally and figuratively. Rated T for one use of vulgar language, and mild references.


_Author's Note: To be honest, I have no idea where this came from. All I know was that I was sitting, and suddenly the idea of writing Steele's thoughts after his last appearance in Balto_

_popped into my head. I was trying to do it in a stream-of-conscious style, but that didn't really work. So, inner monologues would have to do. This is a simple oneshot, though I may expand it later on. Oh, and yes, the title does refer to the Three Days Grace song of the same name, no copyright infringement was intended by that.  
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_So, you know the drill- all characters go to Universal, I'm just picking up were they left off. _

_Oh, and thanks to everyone who reviewed the Prologue for Blood of the Wolf- The Rogue Lion, WriterMonkey0626, Eevee5501892, and Fanboy 101. I'll try to reply to you, soon. _

_/  
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I can only stare as the barn door flies shut, leaving me behind in the supposedly-warm glow of the burning coal.

How could they just_ leave_, after everything I've done for them, everything I've accomplished? _I _was the one that brought the medicine most of the way, _I_ was the one to brave the raging blizzard to save those kid's lives. Yet, what to I have to show for it? One wrong move on my part, and then that damn wolfdog shows up, blabbing on about how _he_ could lead the team home. How could Balto, the stray of Nome, possibly do any better at leading the team home then I could?

Of course, then the team in question began to...well, question. I couldn't believe my ears when they started to rant. I had to defend my place.

The wolfdog was determined, I'll give him that. But well, that is what love does to someone. It did that to me. I more than likely shouldn't have attacked him, that much is clear. But still, what was I supposed to do? Let him take my glory? I should have just let it go. But no, my sorry ego got in the way. So I messed up the trail, and made my own way back home. I felt guilty, at least occasionally as I made my way through the storm, but what was done was done. Some of my melancholy when I arrived back was true, or at least me channeling my guilt into the performance. It helped, a bit.

But, of course, it couldn't last.

I continue to stare out at the barn door, my mind reliving the night of my return. I was so close to her, so close to finally winning Jenna over, when she had slowly raised her eyes to me. I saw the fury blazing, the truth settling in her soul. I felt my heart drop out of my chest. It was over.

Her quiet statement of "You're lying," got to me more than her announcements an instant later. She was direct, she was showing the stubborn streak that still holds a special place in my heart. Everyone seems to think I loved her for her looks- not so. That may have been how it started, but once she showed that tough side, it was over. I didn't view her as something to be conquered, but just someone who would be worthy to stand by my side, as my mate.

However, I blew it. I used my usual wooing tactics, because every other female in Nome fell to them. However, she still saw through it. I should have guess, but I didn't. I felt that time would be the best answer.

Of course, than _Balto _made his move. I wouldn't have worried about it, save for when I caught those to together in the boiler room. Somehow, that wolfdog had managed to worm his way into Jenna's heart and all right underneath my noise. So now, here I am, left with only my long dead fantasies left of what me and Jenna could have had.

I take a low breath, and finally began to move again. I slowly pad up to the door, and nose it open. A cold blast of air runs through my fur, and I perk my ears at the sounds of whooping in the distance. The town was welcoming their new hero, it would appear.

I shake my head. Instead of feeling angry, I'm just...empty. A few emotions run around inside my head, a mixture of pain, loss, and just negativity go round and round. Perhaps after all the years of being the top dog, after all the time of being hero, I just have forgot to feel.

So many I have manipulated, so many I have used for my own desires, I forgot what is was like to care for someone, until Jenna came along. Of course, that went quite well. I couldn't change in time, I couldn't let go, until it was to late.

I stand at the threshold of the barn, my ears titled forward into the night. That is when I realize something- I'm not mad anymore.

The act of leaving me, along with Jenna's rejection, have pushed me beyond myself. This entire experience has forced me to evaluate myself, and to reconsider who I am. I finally understand why Jenna rejected me all those times, why Balto was able to win her affections, and why I am currently standing alone tonight- I'm a monster.

A slow chill works its way it my body, and I feel- pure pain, pure emotion, pure loss at what I have done to myself, and to those around me. My old ego falls away, to be replaced by a weak, shivering ball of fur, my new self-shame.

I let out a low whine, not liking my new bare feelings. I have no bravado now, no reputation to hide behind, save for that of a traitor and a liar. I am scorned now, and despite my newfound outlook, I still look like the same old Steele.

Tentatively, I take a pawstep out into the cold, my fur flattening against my body from the wind. Gentle snow flakes fall upon my fur, as I gently make my way along the snow.

I'm tempted to join the festivities, but it's to soon- I would be undoubtedly run out of town. For now, I am safe, anonymous in the cold wind.

I raise my head up a bit, and spot a burst of light coming from a far hill. I turn to look at it, and find myself looking at the Northern Lights. The colors shimmer and transform, and I find some comfort in the sight.

The wind picks up again, and a strong blast plasters my pelt entirely to my body. I huddle down into the snow, and struggle to keep my eyes on the lights. When the wind stops, I bring myself up once more.

The lights continue to dance, and I tear myself away for a moment to glance back at the town. Despite my own attempts, a new hero has arisen, and I am on the fringes. I can't go back, not yet.

It was time to start over.


End file.
